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Orion's Proverbial 'Cog in the Machine' - Chapter 1

30/11/18

 

A Blog from the Cog, in the Machine, Chapter 1

As a bit of insightful fun into the mind of our resident HR 'Cog in the Machine,' we tasked him with writing a 6 month blog. Complete with industry insight, career advice and wisdom from a seasoned recruitment veteran. You should be warned now, this blog definitely doesn't contain anything close to that type of content. It is however rather entertaining and well suited to some jovial reading on your lunch break. Over to The Cog...

I think I’ll start this blog ‘thing’ with two apologies, one to myself and another to any reader who accidentally drops in (if that’s what you do) to this site, location, space or whatever you call it. 

I am apologising to myself because after 25 years (yes I’m getting on) in the merry-go-round of working life, I should know better than to agree to anything that a marketing executive suggests over a few (quite a few) glasses of red wine. 

 Anyway here I am, a complete social media novice, undertaking the task of writing a 6 month blog of insightful, topical and relevant HR or recruitment related observations.  I suspect I don’t need to elaborate on why I am apologising to myself!

I apologise to you the reader (singular I suspect) as I am not going to write any ‘insightful, topical and relevant HR or recruitment related observations’.  Instead, I am going to demonstrate my malevolent middle-aged man syndrome and poke fun at the fabulous things that people have said on their way to not securing the role of their dreams. 

I dedicate the hilarious contributions that will follow to all ill-informed, poorly prepared, lackadaisical and now anonymous curriculum vitae writers that I have ventured upon over the years.

In the past, everyone made mistakes when applying for jobs.  This was not due to historic ineptitude or poor spelling capability but more just the fact that spelling and grammar checks were not readily available on computers. 

To finish my first ever blog, I want to recount a story a former colleague of mine told me about typing a CV for his sister.  After some time, the sister began to wonder why there had been no responses to a range of sales job applications that required a car license.  It was not until some weeks later that my friend realised he had not detailed in his sister’s CV a ‘full clean driving license’ against her skills.  What he had accidentally typed was that his sister held a ‘full dry cleaning license’.  Over twenty years later, I still laugh out loud.

 

 Ballistic Statistic of the Week

 

 More than 10 people a year are killed by a vending machine.

 

 Vital Job Title of the Week

 

Self Employed Lettuce Cutter.

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